Having fun with TeleFUNica

You probably know about Telefonica. A public monopoly made into a private monopoly is never a good start: the lack of competition means there's no motive for improvement. Telefonica's near monopoly is not just greedy but ludicrously inefficient, mendacious, beaurocratic and uncaring.

Last year Telefonica was fined €60,000 for 'slamming'. That's “trading” customers to other companies without their knowledge or consent. One José Pérez Lozano endured a two year battle with them, after his own internet supplier gave his custom to Telefonica without consulting him. That's major malpractice. Among other things it involves illegally providing personal data (bank account details for instance) to a third party.

But Telefonica are hopeless way before they sink to such depths. They can't even charge bills consistently. A neighbour of mine can't get Telefonica to tell her why they have stopped billing her for her internet service. She's terribly worried they'll suddenly expect a huge payment she can't afford. She's called them repeatedly but cannot obtain an explanation, or even a bill. “I've tried,” she told me, “but I can't get any sense out of them.”

I know the feeling. Here's my little Telefonica story. See if it is better or worse than yours. And try to spot the tactical errors in my battle strategy.

November 2008
We were cut off without warning. Not just inconvenient, but very costly, this was a nightmare. I called and was told we hadn't paid our bills. I was surprised but, desperate for reconnection, I paid the €63 demanded anyway. I was told there would be a whopping €30 reconnection fee on the next bill.

Having paid I asked for reconnection. I was told we had to pay another €10,55 but the operator couldn't explain why. I paid the money.

A Telefonica engineer rang to say he would come now if we would accept a new telephone number, or next week if we wanted to keep our original number. Weird: an engineer, just to switch a line back on? Thinking of the two contracts (internet and cheap calls) on the old number, I said we'd keep it. “So, Señor, which day next week?” Ominously, he wouldn't commit. “I'll ring you,” he said.

Surprise, surprise: he didn't. But I did get a bill

from Telefonica saying we were €60,55 in credit! In other words we had paid our bills. So how come Telefonica cut us off for non-payment? Never mind, I thought, I'll wait till I've got the line back on I tackle that. So back to the phone, to call and ask why we still weren't reconnected. The lady I spoke to said she couldn't understand it. She told me reconnection should take only 5 days. She said she'd log a request for reconnection.

Five days later, a different lady said that the previous lady had used the wrong procedure. Reconnection would take 21 days. I pointed out we had already been waiting for four weeks, that is 28 days. She said she would put “URGENTE” on the request.

December 2008
I asked again. I said, “We've paid €63,55, agreed to €30, paid another €10 and WHY THE HELL ARE WE STILL UNCONNECTED? Christmas is here; we've been without a line for five weeks but all we want, I sobbed, is reconnection to a standard service with our old number. The operator told me that there was a request in place and he added that we should be reconnected shortly.

One week later, a miracle! A Telefonica engineer came to our house, messed with the line and gave us…our NEW NUMBER. I said we had wanted to keep our old number: why had we been given a new one? He shrugged and said, “Pues, con Telefonica, no sé” (Well, with Telefonica, who knows?). He added that he thought our number had been given to somebody else. Judging from the many wrong numbers we got through our new number this was quite likely. Finally, the engineer gave us a new telephone, which we had never asked for: when I told him we didn't want it and wouldn't pay for it, he insisted that it was free.

January 2008
We received a new telephone bill, dated 1st January, for $76,00, made up of €30 for the reconnection and €36 for the 'free' telephone, plus tax.

I rang Telefonica asking about the bill. I was told our original line had had an ADSL service available, and this was why we had been cut off. The reconnection fee of €30 was charged in spite
of the disconnection being Telefonica's error. But the new line they decided to provide us with also had an ADSL capacity: the €10 charge was to downgrade this line.

Unbelievable. It's the equivalent of being sold a car with new tyres, having it stolen by the seller because he forgot to charge for the tyres, then after weeks of negotiating, being sent a similar car with a bill for changing its new tyres for old ones and another bill for delivering the vehicle. Unbelievable.

TACTICAL ERRORS
Did you spot them? In your next fight over the phone lines, avoid these mistakes:

1.Expecting Communication. Well, they are a communications company! But it was naïve to imagine Telefonica would contact us before cutting us off. Having operated as a monopoly for decades, Telefonica isn't about to start acting as if customers have any choices.

2.Expecting “Departamento Inglés” Staff to Speak English. I foolishly went to the 'English department' in the hope that I might understand better in my own language. There are a few people fluent in English in that department; about 1 in 10 at a guess. The rest are trying valiantly to work in a foreign language they can hardly speak. I sympathise.

3.Expecting Telefonica to Listen. We told them we wanted our own number, we wanted to be reconnected, we didn't want the new phone if it cost anything. What a waste of breath.

4.Believing a Telefonica Employee. They are clearly undertrained and probably underpaid. Unless they are actually lying, many have little, no or only misleading information to give. We were told we owed money when we didn't, we were told the reconnection would happen when it wouldn't, we were told the phone would be free when it wasn't.

5.Putting off the Engineer. Never, ever put a Telefonica employee off from visiting your house. Once they are there you can kidnap them and demand a huge ransom: real customer care! It would have saved us weeks!

Rose Jones